One of my coworkers that answers the phones has been telling me some of the interesting names people have given him. Some of the names include: Ping Pong, Dat Ho, Buster Cherry, and That That.

--

Customer: Do you have this battery? (Holds up a battery)

Me: I think so. Let me check.

Customer: If you're going to the battery rack, don't bother. I've already looked there.

Me: Oh, alright. Well, if you like, I can see if I can order it for you?

Customer: No! I don't want to order it! I don't need it when it's ordered! The whole point of going to a brick and mortar store is to get it NOW! You're supposed to have everything instock!

Me: Well, you can try another electronics store then.

--

Customer: Can I see one of these? (Points to one of the cameras on display.)

Me: Sure, I'll put one on the register for you. Would you-

Customer: Register? I didn't say I was buying one. I want to see it!

Me: . . . .

Customer: Do you have one for me to take a look at?

Me: Yes, we have displays out of every camera we sell for you to look at.

Customer: Well, I want to see one for this camera. (Points directly at display camera.)

Me: Go ahead.

Customer: What?

Me: Go ahead and take a look at it. (Points to display camera) And do you have any questions on it?

Customer: NO! I want to SEE one of these!

Me: That is a real camera. I took it out of the box and put it on display myself. You can look at it all you want.

--

Customer: I need to return this camcorder.

Me: Was there something wrong with it?

Customer: No, i just needed it for vacation.

Me: . . . .

Customer: We're back now, so I don't need it anymore.

Me: How long ago did you buy it?

Customer: About a month ago.

Me: You only have 14 days to return a camcorder.

(They spoke with a manager and, as usual, he "rolled over and played dead." They got their money back.
)

--

Customer: (Loads items on the counter to checkout. Places oxygen tank off to the side on the counter.)

Coworker: (Starts ringing up his items, gets to the last one, scans it, then reaches for the man's oxygen tank. Pulls tank away and attempts to scan the tank.)

Customer: (Gasps)

Coworker: Oh my god! I am so sorry!

--

Me: (Spends 15 minutes helping a lady out with a car deck. She decides on one and I get it out and leave it at the register for her. I then go back to the department to help another customer.)

Customer: (Enters the department again, accompanied by a male coworker that does not work in that department.)

Me: (Continues to help second customer.)

Customer: (Approaches me and interrupts while I am still helping my customer) I am sorry, but I am going to listen to the expert now. I think it'd better to do that. It's nothing against you, it'd just be smarter. (Turns back to male coworker.)

Me: (Flips her off.)

Coworker: (Tries to keep a straight face.)

--

10:15 A.M.

Customer: (Rips open a guitar box and starts pulling everything out.)

Security: (Spots her on the camera and confronts her.) Ma'am, you can't open that.

Customer: (Clearly drunk.) IT WAS ALREADY OPEN!

--

Customer: Hey, can I get your employee discount?

Me: Not unless you want to pay me $1,200 a month, cuz I'd get fired if I did that. (Note: No, joke. Misusing employee discount is an INSTANT fire. It is considered the same as stealing. Not only will you be fired, but if you ever enter the store again, security will be all over you. That is IF they let you in the store.)

Customer: No, but I can get you a job that'll pay that much or more. Kaiser Hospital is always hiring.

Me: Oh, I don't think I'd like that job. No at all.

Customer: Why not?

Me: I HATE helping people.

Customer: What are you doing here?

Both: (Laughs)

--

Me: (As soon as I take one step in the door....)

Coworker: There's a problem! You know that customer (explains customer). He bought an open box camcorder a week ago.

Me: Yeah, I remember him.

Customer: He's saying the charger that came with it doesn't work.

Me: It take AA batteries so any AA charger will work with it, and he can shut the fuck up because he only payed a dollar fifty for that camcorder.

Customer: WHAT?! $1.50?!

Me: Yes.

Customer: Why?!

Me: It was already discounted because it was an open box, he got a $75 coupon from us, and the manager gave him a huge discount on top of that.

Customer: Why'd he do that?

Me: Because he's a pussy.

--

Customer: Hi, I was told you could help me.

Me: Sure.

Customer: Could you help me get to heaven? I don't want to go to hell!

Me: Sure! Just take lots of drugs and - oh, wait....That's the other one.

Customer: (laughs)

--

Customer: Do you guys give a military discount?

Me: No.

Customer: Why not? I keep you safe. Protect you from day to day-

Me: Then buy it on the base.

Customer: They don't have these at the base.

Me: Then shut up.

(Note: I have great respect for those in the military, but this guy and his two friends where pricks.)

--

(We'd just received a shipment and on it were some new items we didn't have a place for yet.)

Coworker: Hey, where do these go? I can't find them.

Me: I haven't seen them before, they must be new. Go put them by the-

Customer: They aren't new! You have lost of them! They are over by the iPod stuff! (Walks off to show coworker where they are.)

(They were unsuccessful in their search. )

--

Customer: You got any games that are actually any good?

Me: What kind of games do you like?

Customer: Racing games.

Me: (Lists the new racing games.)

Customer: Naw, those are crap!

Me: You've already tried those games?

Customer: No, but they are crap! (Picks up an old racing game.) Now, this is a good one! If anybody asks for a good game, you recommend this to them. It's so good it's given me seizures.

--

Customer: (Walks straight for me, gets a few feet in front of me before he notices me, stops, looks, turns back the way he came. Circles all the way around the department to void me.)

Me:

--

Me: (In break room. Hear rattling coming from the door. Rattling continues for a few minutes. Walks to the door and opens it. Sees a lady sitting on the floor.) What's going on?

Lady: (Holds up a rag.) Cleaning!

Me: Oh. Okay then. (Shuts door. Rattling continues.)

--

Me: Can I help you with anything?

Customer: No....Oh! Hey! I keep on running into you here.

Me: Ya. I work here.

-

Customer: I need to return this battery.

Coworker: Do you have the receipt?

Customer: No.

Coworker: How did you pay?

Customer: Cash.

Coworker: Do you have the box it came in?

Customer: No.

Coworker: We can't return that.

Customer: (Angrily stomps over to the exit. Stops at the door and turns to security.) Your stores policies are crap! You guys won't even let me return this! Give this to your general manager. Tell him he knows where to put it! (Slams battery into security's hand.)

Security: Alright. Have a nice day. (Calls GM over.) Hey, a customer wanted me to inform you that our store's policies are crap and you know where to put this. (Hands him the battery.)

GM: (Looks at battery.) That doesn't look comfortable.....Or safe.

--

Me: (Approaches a middle aged customer looking at horror movies. Notices he seems a bit off as I get closer.) Can I help you with anything?

Customer: No. My mom won't let me watch these. She is afraid I'll kill her. I like the horror movies. The killing looks fun.

Me: . . . .

--

Customer: I am looking for TV games.

Me: For which system?

Customer: The ones you don't have to plug into the TV.

Me: But a video game?

Customer: Yes. The TV games you don't need the TV for.

Me: PC games?

Customer: Yes!

--

Me: (Walks past the exit as a customer is going to leave.)

Customer: Hey! How are you doing?

Me: Just fine. How are you?

Customer: I am doing alright. I see you're doing that pretend female thing again. Looks good.

Me: Alright then. Have a nice day.

(I later remembered he was a customer that came in back when I had short hair and mistook me for a guy.)

--

Customer: Hi. Do you work here?

Me: Yes, but I am heading for the bathroom. I'll be right back if you need help with anything.

Customer: (Assumes a concerned expression.) Why?

Me: Seriously?

--

Me: Hi. Can I help you with anything?

Customer: No. I am just trying to get the attention of the pretty lady. (Winks at me.)

Me: (Points to male coworker going by.) It just went that way! (Takes off in the opposite direction.)

--

Customer: Does this take still pictures?

Me: No, just video.. But on Sunday-

Customer: (Laughs)

Me: -we'll have a new model that'll do both.

Customer: Sorry. I laughed because I thought you were going to tell me it can only take pictures on Sundays.

Me: (Laughs)

--

Customer: I am looking for the speaker dock in your ad. It looked just like this one. (Points to a speaker dock with a large red sign that says "As Advertised" next to it.)

Me: Yes. That is the one in the ad.

Customer: No. It was like this but bigger.

Me: That's the one in the ad.

Customer: No, it was bigger in the picture.

Me: There are only two iPod speaker docks we carry in that style. That is the larger of the two.

--

Customer: I need a cellphone charger.

Me: Okay, which phone do you have?

Customer: RAZR.

Me: Okay, a house or car charger?

Customer: No. Cellphone.

Me: Yes, for the house or the car?

Customer: C.E.L.L. P.H.O.N.E.!

Me: Would you like to charge it in your house or you car?

Customer: I need to charge my fucking phone in my fucking house. Don't you fucking know what a charger is?

Me: Thank you. That's what I was asking.

--

Customer: I need ink for my PX300 printer. (Points directly at a box of ink that says PX300 on it.) Can you find that for me?

Me: ....Easily.

--

Customer: What colors do you have this in?

Me: Black. But we can order red and silver.

Customer: So you just have the black and red in store?

Me: No. Just black.

Customer: Okay. I'll take two.

Me: (Pulls out two black cameras.)

Customer: So, you have silver?

Me: No. Just black in the store.

Customer: Also, which Sony's are touch screen?

Me: (Points out the two touch screen Sony's.)

Customer: What's the difference between them?

Me: (Explains feature differences.)

Customer: So, why is there a price difference?

Me: (Explains the features again.)

Customer: (Points to one I just told him was touch screen and explained the features on.) Is this touch screen?

Me: Yes.

--

Customer: I got my camera stolen. I need to get a new one. It was a nice one; Canon T1i.

Me: Oh. I know how that is. I've had my SLR camera stolen before too.

Customer: I think the only way I could feel better about it is if I can get a good deal on another one. Could I have the money I paid for my old camera go towards my new one?

Me: Uhm. No. You'd have to buy and pay for it.

Customer: But, do you know how it is when you get something taken from you? The only way I could feel better about this is if I can get a deal on a new one.

Me: We do have a deal going on where you save over $150 on a package deal with the Canon T1i.

Customer: But don't you know how it feels?

Me: Yes.

(This continued for 5 more minutes. He finally gave up...or so I thought. He came back the next day when I was off and spoke with the manager. He pulled the same thing on the manager and it worked....)

--

Me: Can I help you with anything?

Customer: Whoa! No, just that my fly is down. (Zips.)

Me: (Laughs)

Customer: Cheaper than AC!

--

Customer: You guys did a horrible job with my car! I can't hear anything coming out of my back speakers!

Coworker: Ma'am, your model car doesn't have rear speakers.

--

Customer: Does this portable satellite radio also come with the car kit?

Me: No. That's the only one we carry that does not.

Customer: Do you have the number for XM?

Me: Their phone number?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Yeah. I think it's on the back of this brochure.

Customer: Thank you. (Calls XM.) Hi, I have some questions about one of your portable XM things.I am at Best Buy right now, and the lady here doesn't know anything.

Me: (Goes about business as she asks same questions she asked me.)

Customer: (Finishes call.) Just so you know, it does NOT come with the car kit.